Thoughts

Ah, but a concept is but a flash before the birth of a belief. My concepts are bright and fadeburn to a firm belief.

[..."fadeburn to firm fact" would have sounded better now that I think of it.]

snip snap snupt

--- I would dress you in frilly things and wings, glitter and flight

--- Gladly, would I drown in a storm of your fierce love




--- Blinking eyes against
newborn sun. Limbs swing
over a beast of
metal and leather.
Vision goes yellow,
and the wind is her ocean.

25.1.11

The town had recently reinstated a long time gone tradition of having a secondary year of senior year, so, all in all, 5 years of high school.

I arrived on campus a little late as I tend to do, and each time I took a handful of steps across campus, I was naked except for my combat boots and panties. This kept happening… but either nobody noticed, or nobody cared.

By the time I got to my classroom, everybody else was seated. And damn there were a lot of freakin’ people. At this point I had lost my purse about 3 times, and my bookbag twice, so I was already frazzled.

The classroom held an assortment of kids I knew, kids I had class with, and kids that were fuzzy around the edges. Andrew from Hellblinki kept passing in front of the classroom window, which really wasn’t so much as a window, but a wall of glass with reinforcements. He looked tired and wasn’t responding to the silly faces I was making at him.

We were given sheets of paper to fill out, a lot of really random questions and pictures from comic books. This black kid next to me for some reason kept trying to “share” my seat…and once again, I was naked, so obviously, also very uncomfortable. Eventually I was able to shove him into the empty seat NEXT TO HIM.

Just before the first class was over, Andrew slammed himself up against the glass window-wall, scaring half the class. We proceeded to make faces at each other for the rest of class. When the bell rang, I tried running out to meet him, but he had disappeared by that point.

I started to wander around looking for my next class, and realized… all the merch booths from Dragon*Con were set up in the courtyard. I started looking around, traversing the rather hilly campus. I picked up a humongous tin of tea and opened it to take a sniff, but smelled nothing. Coming around from behind me was the merch booth guy…I thought I recognized him and I made an ass of myself by saying, “Oh hey! What’s up! I haven’t seen you in awhile!” He let me give him a hug, but I chalked that up to me startling him, and replied, “I haven’t seen you, ever…” I blinked and walked off dazedly.

Running across some friendly faces [actual friends, not faces just hanging about, thank you very much], I asked what the fair was about. They told me it wasn’t due to the first-day-of-the-second-senior-last-high-school-year, but due to AQUA, the new aquarium setting up down the road, and warned me the booths weren’t going to be here all day.

I walked on and heard terrifying screams.
Blood curdling screams.
And someone yelling my friend’s name.
“KARSON!”

Mary was yelling Karson’s name, facing what looked to be a portable. There was a struggle going on in the portable, and Mary kept screaming, though not moving. I took a couple of steps up meaning to open to door, when Karson flew out and ran behind me. Her shirt was barely hanging on and she had no pants on. A guy stepped out of the portable, naked except for a towel over his junk. Karson was strangely calm, though she made it clear she wanted to leave. The guy just stared at us as Mary and I walked Karson away, up the hill to take her to … somewhere.

That’s when I saw her back.
Right along her shoulder blades, her skin had been torn away in huge chunks. Where flesh had gone missing, it was just black. Dried, crusted blood ran all along the border of her massive wounds, and down her back. There were fingernail marks on the rest of her back too. When I gasped and started crying, she was calm still, but asking me what was wrong.

“YOUR BACK! What did he DO?!”
“What do you mean, my back? What, what is it?”
“It — it looks horrible!”
“What is it?!”

At this point, she’d gotten panicky and was trying to see her back.

I blinked, and where the huge black pits of emptied flesh once were, were now well healed scars.

“Nothing…nothing,” I said, and we carried on up the hill.

Wingless

In a fit of anger o'er a mortal man
I drank deep of the Faerie wine.
I was silly and I was lost, so
I ripped away the wings that clung
to either side of my spine.

I pinned them to the wall
Where the light caught the sparkle
And sent it shimmering
'Cross my face.

My fingers stretched and arched
And ached and strained
To seize the points of brightness
That stuck in my eyes
while they did naught but rain.

Nightmare 23.12.09

Kevin and I were throwing a party at our new apartment. My mom had been over earlier, with a bag of old clothes she was going to give to Goodwill. I salvaged many pieces, and was wearing one of the dresses. I had planned on only wearing the dress until after Aaron (our old boss) showed up, then I could change into comfier clothing. When he arrived, he complemented me quite a bit, and then the apartment changed into a log cabin, in the woods.

Everybody we'd invited (which was apparently the whole of the Target Flow [third shift] team, plus some others) was there and milling about. Martha, a small hispanic woman was tracing my wing tattoo, and asking if I'd preformed a ceremony before getting them. I responded that I hadn't, and she responded by spraying my back with what looked to be water, but felt hot and slightly burning. She then commented they looked a little worn and I amended that I had to get them touched up.

A few moments pass of chatting with others, and I'm sitting in the kitchen when Martha and another girly I don't know come running up to me, and drag me away, whispering about how I "have to see something" and "can't tell anyone". At first they seem excited, happy. Then it turns all negative nerves, and I can see it in the air, like how the space above the pavement on a hot day looks slimy and shimmery.

They take me to the bathroom, where there is a blond-haired child's head in the toilet, facing the tank. Someone's hand grips it by the hair and pulls it out, to show it's just a head, with a bit of spine coming out. The eyes are white. I stumble out of the room with a gasp and a scream, and into the living room where everyone else is. Kevin comes over to see what's wrong, and, upon seeing the head, almost falls over backwards, screaming, "No. Nooo. Noooo! Not thi-- no!" and starts scratching his face. At this point, everyone else is screaming. When I look back, the head has grown a body, really disjointed and long, and it is pushing itself out of the toilet. I look back at Kevin, who's head at this point has become viciously decapitated. The person from the toilet is making its way towards me when I am finally able to wrench myself from the dream.

II-I

The weekend holds promises
of friends and fires,
marshmallows and magic.

Where gravity
turns to levity
of the heart and mind

I-I.

I dusted off the jar
that holds a universe

and popped its
vacuum seal.

Reading of Fey and Wood,
I wished stars into being

and dropped them
into that Ocean of Dreams.